Environment Canada says it appears the country will have to endure its coldest winter in almost 15 years as everyone is reminded what a real Canadian winter feels like.
Canada has had a number of warmer-than-normal winters in recent years, but this December through February is forecast to be one of the harshest in recent memory. (Globe & Mail)
Poop!
Fudge!
Drat!
Shucks!
Friday, November 30, 2007
The Missing Link
Ever since I started this blog, I've had a feeling that there's always been something missing. Some important subject that never gets raised. But I could never identify what it was.
But today I found it! I never have any Abominable Snowman news.
Thankfully, this has now been rectified.
"KATHMANDU (Reuters) - A U.S.-based television channel investigating the existence of the legendary Yeti in Nepal has found footprints similar to those said to be that of the abominable snowman, the company said on Friday."
My goal is have more regular reporting on the Yeti, Bigfoot and all their furry cousins. (In a dry spell, I'll even go for Loch Ness Monster news.)
But today I found it! I never have any Abominable Snowman news.
Thankfully, this has now been rectified.
"KATHMANDU (Reuters) - A U.S.-based television channel investigating the existence of the legendary Yeti in Nepal has found footprints similar to those said to be that of the abominable snowman, the company said on Friday."
My goal is have more regular reporting on the Yeti, Bigfoot and all their furry cousins. (In a dry spell, I'll even go for Loch Ness Monster news.)
All Hail Oprah!
Oprah is right. It IS all about the power of positive thinking. That IS The Secret!
The Scottish man is out of intensive care. It's all thanks to Oprah!! Hurray!!
The Scottish man is out of intensive care. It's all thanks to Oprah!! Hurray!!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
There he goes again
That lazy-assed c***s***er Bush keeps ruining my life.
The Washington Post reports today that W. is currently reading A Confederacy of Dunces.
This means I have to take one of my favourite books of all time and toss it on a bonfire in the back yard. But only if he's enjoying it. Maybe he won't get the jokes and will toss it out.
What am I thinking? The story is a lie. Bush doesn't read books!
Oh, you naughty WaPo, you really had me going there for a minute!
The Washington Post reports today that W. is currently reading A Confederacy of Dunces.
This means I have to take one of my favourite books of all time and toss it on a bonfire in the back yard. But only if he's enjoying it. Maybe he won't get the jokes and will toss it out.
What am I thinking? The story is a lie. Bush doesn't read books!
Oh, you naughty WaPo, you really had me going there for a minute!
Teddy Bear Update: No Picnic
A British teacher has been found guilty in Sudan of insulting religion after she allowed her primary school class to name a teddy bear Muhammad. Gillian Gibbons, 54, from Liverpool, has been sentenced to 15 days in prison after a day-long court hearing.
Mrs Gibbons had been accused on three counts of insulting religion, inciting hatred and showing contempt for religious beliefs. She will be deported after serving her sentence in Sudan's capital Khartoum. (BBC)
None of this would've happened if she had named the bear C***s***er.
I think the court should be convicted of insulting intelligence, inciting hatred and showing contempt for anyone with a brain.
Mrs Gibbons had been accused on three counts of insulting religion, inciting hatred and showing contempt for religious beliefs. She will be deported after serving her sentence in Sudan's capital Khartoum. (BBC)
None of this would've happened if she had named the bear C***s***er.
I think the court should be convicted of insulting intelligence, inciting hatred and showing contempt for anyone with a brain.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
I am queen of all negativity
It appears I’m the world’s most superstitious lovelorn person because I’ve been avoiding commenting on the Scottish man’s hospitalization for fear that doing so will cause some horrible twist of fate.
But 12 days on, he’s still hanging in there. Still in intensive care, but not, you know…dead.
Being grim is really exhausting, so now I have to be light-hearted and positive about the whole ordeal. Tra la la. Tra la la. Everything will be fine. (I don’t believe this for a second! Who am I kidding?)
But 12 days on, he’s still hanging in there. Still in intensive care, but not, you know…dead.
Being grim is really exhausting, so now I have to be light-hearted and positive about the whole ordeal. Tra la la. Tra la la. Everything will be fine. (I don’t believe this for a second! Who am I kidding?)
Dollarama
When I was in Hanoi, I had to book my hotel and my flight to Ho Chi Minh on my credit card. It was a total of US$ 128.
I got my Visa bill yesterday, and with the exchange rate, it came to CAN $127. whee.
After decades of seeing ridiculous exchange rates on credit cards, that one dollar reduction was such a thrill.
I got my Visa bill yesterday, and with the exchange rate, it came to CAN $127. whee.
After decades of seeing ridiculous exchange rates on credit cards, that one dollar reduction was such a thrill.
World Report
Just because I haven’t been sufficiently outraged lately.
Item 1)
The British school teacher arrested in Sudan has been charged today with blasphemy, insulting Islam and inciting hatred after her pupils named a teddy bear Muhammad. Gillian Gibbons, 54, now faces 40 lashes, a six month prison sentence or a fine if convicted of the crime. (Times of London)
Let’s hope she gets off with a fine then leaves the country and never goes back to that hellhole again. I’ve had it with stories like this.
Item 2)
Annapolis Middle East conference. Annapolis is a sexy town, what with all those Navy men wearing dress whites. But what a joke. I’ve always known Bush is a lazy-assed c***s****er, but this is embarrassing. A one-day conference that results in a promise to have “benchmarks” by the end of 2008? That’s the accomplishment? I hope the participants at least got a nice supper and maybe a few decent buffet snacks ‘cause that’s all they got. What is one step below phoning it in? Bush is the pits.
mmmmm Annapolis
Item 3)
Strikes in France. I don’t care about real French news. I have to confess I only read stories about Sarkozy’s love life. Now those are interesting. If he’s really dragging more than one official babe to all his meetings, it proves that for a lot of women power is everything. I am reminded of the immortal words of Buck Strickland of Strickland Propane: “..I’ve got a pretty little mistress. I’m living like a Frenchman.”
Item 1)
The British school teacher arrested in Sudan has been charged today with blasphemy, insulting Islam and inciting hatred after her pupils named a teddy bear Muhammad. Gillian Gibbons, 54, now faces 40 lashes, a six month prison sentence or a fine if convicted of the crime. (Times of London)
Let’s hope she gets off with a fine then leaves the country and never goes back to that hellhole again. I’ve had it with stories like this.
Item 2)
Annapolis Middle East conference. Annapolis is a sexy town, what with all those Navy men wearing dress whites. But what a joke. I’ve always known Bush is a lazy-assed c***s****er, but this is embarrassing. A one-day conference that results in a promise to have “benchmarks” by the end of 2008? That’s the accomplishment? I hope the participants at least got a nice supper and maybe a few decent buffet snacks ‘cause that’s all they got. What is one step below phoning it in? Bush is the pits.
mmmmm Annapolis
Item 3)
Strikes in France. I don’t care about real French news. I have to confess I only read stories about Sarkozy’s love life. Now those are interesting. If he’s really dragging more than one official babe to all his meetings, it proves that for a lot of women power is everything. I am reminded of the immortal words of Buck Strickland of Strickland Propane: “..I’ve got a pretty little mistress. I’m living like a Frenchman.”
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
The Big O
Ondaatje wins the Governor General's award for fiction.
I'll just leave a blank space here, and we can visualize Ms Mushrooms rolling around on the floor and having a tantrum. (She really don't like that particular book.)
I'll just leave a blank space here, and we can visualize Ms Mushrooms rolling around on the floor and having a tantrum. (She really don't like that particular book.)
Word of the Day
collywobbles: intestinal cramps, or other intestinal disturbances.
That's it. All my troubles will seem so much cuter if I start calling them collywobbles.
Me: Dr. Fried, will this surgery cure my collywobbles?
Dr F: Why yes, little girl, it will. ho ho ho.
(Suddenly my surgeon has turned into Dr. Hibbert on the Simpsons. Don't know how that happened.)
That's it. All my troubles will seem so much cuter if I start calling them collywobbles.
Me: Dr. Fried, will this surgery cure my collywobbles?
Dr F: Why yes, little girl, it will. ho ho ho.
(Suddenly my surgeon has turned into Dr. Hibbert on the Simpsons. Don't know how that happened.)
Meow Meow Meow
It's the 3rd anniversary of my adoption of the triple-threat feline army. How time flies.
Long live the Triumvirate.
They rule! I am but the humble provider of food, water, clean litter and furniture for scratching posts.
Long live the Triumvirate.
They rule! I am but the humble provider of food, water, clean litter and furniture for scratching posts.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Me + Mechanical Thing = Argh!
I drive a 1993 Altima, as regular readers of this blog know.
The engine runs perfectly, but the body is full of unsightly rust. About once per month, I find a business card tucked under the windshield wiper that says “We collect scrap metal”. It’s not always from the same company; apparently more than one scrap metal dealer covets my vehicle. I try not to feel hurt by these billet doux.
Now I have another problem. There’s a short in one of the windows and it does not stay closed. This has been going on a couple of months now, but is only becoming serious now because, hey, winter is here. You wanna drive around in this climate with a back window that is wide open? It’s not fun. I always thought automatic windows were such a cool advantage over old-fashioned cranking ones, but now I'm not so sure.
But do I want to pay a fortune to fix an electrical problem on a ’93 car? No, I do not.
So yesterday I had to go all white trash, and duct-taped a sheet of plastic across the gaping hole. Fortunately, as I went off to beautiful Lasalle to do groceries at my fave IGA, the window unstuck, righted itself and I was able to get the window to go back up and stay up. Huzzah. Now, of course, I’m afraid to drive the car out again in case the dang window falls again. It’s going to be an exciting winter.
I’m leaving the plastic up. Maybe I’ll get a Confederate Flag sticker for my back bumper. Yee-haw.
The engine runs perfectly, but the body is full of unsightly rust. About once per month, I find a business card tucked under the windshield wiper that says “We collect scrap metal”. It’s not always from the same company; apparently more than one scrap metal dealer covets my vehicle. I try not to feel hurt by these billet doux.
Now I have another problem. There’s a short in one of the windows and it does not stay closed. This has been going on a couple of months now, but is only becoming serious now because, hey, winter is here. You wanna drive around in this climate with a back window that is wide open? It’s not fun. I always thought automatic windows were such a cool advantage over old-fashioned cranking ones, but now I'm not so sure.
But do I want to pay a fortune to fix an electrical problem on a ’93 car? No, I do not.
So yesterday I had to go all white trash, and duct-taped a sheet of plastic across the gaping hole. Fortunately, as I went off to beautiful Lasalle to do groceries at my fave IGA, the window unstuck, righted itself and I was able to get the window to go back up and stay up. Huzzah. Now, of course, I’m afraid to drive the car out again in case the dang window falls again. It’s going to be an exciting winter.
I’m leaving the plastic up. Maybe I’ll get a Confederate Flag sticker for my back bumper. Yee-haw.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Another Baffling Moment In Advertising
Maybe it was a dream, but I’m quite certain I’ve seen a commercial for an American beer (I think it’s Coors) whose selling point is its coldness. It’s America’s coldest beer. I think there is even some little thing on the can to help you recognize that it is cold. Because, you know, just touching it is so deceptive and unreliable. Is there a law that prevents all beers other than Coors from being put in the fridge? I’m confused by this.
If I was a Coors exec and I was watching a pitch from my ad man (for whose services I’d assume I’m paying a lot of money) and he said: Coldness. We’ll sell the idea of the beer being very cold, I would say: You, sir, are an idiot. Then I’d hit him with something.
If I was a Coors exec and I was watching a pitch from my ad man (for whose services I’d assume I’m paying a lot of money) and he said: Coldness. We’ll sell the idea of the beer being very cold, I would say: You, sir, are an idiot. Then I’d hit him with something.
Success!
I got two tickets for Bruce. I was originally going to try for 4 but the choice wasn't great. So I went for 2 and got section 123. I think that's pretty good.
My hernia surgery better not interfere with my Springsteen plans!
My hernia surgery better not interfere with my Springsteen plans!
Climb Every Mountain! - Euro 2008
From the Times of London:
The team may have crashed and burned, the distraught supporters will not be buying plane tickets to Austria or Switzerland, but one Englishman may be on his way to Euro 2008.
Tony Henry, the opera singer tasked with singing the national anthems before England’s game with Croatia earlier this week, has become an unlikely hero of the Croatian game after appearing to make a somewhat risque slip of the tongue while belting out the nation’s tune.
The singer, from St Albans, Hertfordshire, should have sung “Mila kuda si planina”, which translates roughly as “You know my dear how we love your mountains”. Instead, he appears to have sung “Mila kura si planina”, which, although moderately nonsensical, can be interpreted as “My dear, my penis is a mountain”.
In actual football news, am I correct in believing that neither England nor Scotland qualified for Euro 2008? There must be tremendous teeth-gnashing going on in the Mushrooms household.
The team may have crashed and burned, the distraught supporters will not be buying plane tickets to Austria or Switzerland, but one Englishman may be on his way to Euro 2008.
Tony Henry, the opera singer tasked with singing the national anthems before England’s game with Croatia earlier this week, has become an unlikely hero of the Croatian game after appearing to make a somewhat risque slip of the tongue while belting out the nation’s tune.
The singer, from St Albans, Hertfordshire, should have sung “Mila kuda si planina”, which translates roughly as “You know my dear how we love your mountains”. Instead, he appears to have sung “Mila kura si planina”, which, although moderately nonsensical, can be interpreted as “My dear, my penis is a mountain”.
In actual football news, am I correct in believing that neither England nor Scotland qualified for Euro 2008? There must be tremendous teeth-gnashing going on in the Mushrooms household.
Friday, November 23, 2007
My New Hero: Sim Jae-duck
A week without toilet news is a week without sunshine. Therefore (from CNN):
"SEOUL, South Korea (AP) -- The World Toilet Association kicked off its inaugural conference Thursday, hoping to spark a sanitation revolution that will save lives through better hygiene and break taboos about what happens behind closed bathroom doors.
To the celebratory rhythms of a percussionist beating on toilets, dozens of government delegates and U.N. representatives began two days of discussions on improving bathroom facilities for the 2.6 billion people worldwide who lack access to proper restrooms.
The South Korean government has given strong backing to the World Toilet Association, which has been spearheaded by the country's "Mr. Toilet" -- parliament member Sim Jae-duck. He earned his nickname for improving public restrooms for the 2002 World Cup as mayor of Suwon city."
I can’t decide what’s the best part of this story: the percussionist beating on toilets, or the guy nicknamed Mr. Toilet. Can I be Miss Toilet?
What is it with Koreans and toilets?
"SEOUL, South Korea (AP) -- The World Toilet Association kicked off its inaugural conference Thursday, hoping to spark a sanitation revolution that will save lives through better hygiene and break taboos about what happens behind closed bathroom doors.
To the celebratory rhythms of a percussionist beating on toilets, dozens of government delegates and U.N. representatives began two days of discussions on improving bathroom facilities for the 2.6 billion people worldwide who lack access to proper restrooms.
The South Korean government has given strong backing to the World Toilet Association, which has been spearheaded by the country's "Mr. Toilet" -- parliament member Sim Jae-duck. He earned his nickname for improving public restrooms for the 2002 World Cup as mayor of Suwon city."
I can’t decide what’s the best part of this story: the percussionist beating on toilets, or the guy nicknamed Mr. Toilet. Can I be Miss Toilet?
What is it with Koreans and toilets?
Broooce
Springsteen tickets go on sale tomorrow at noon.
I shall be perched next to my keyboard at 11:59, my fingers poised, hovering and ready to strike. Trusty credit card by my side. Charge! It!
I shall be perched next to my keyboard at 11:59, my fingers poised, hovering and ready to strike. Trusty credit card by my side. Charge! It!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Snow + Freezing Rain =
Double crap!
Happy Turkey Day to our American cousins. You're lucky you're not here.
Happy Turkey Day to our American cousins. You're lucky you're not here.
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