Sunday Morning Query

Why do so many tele-evangelists have hair-pieces?

Little Mosque

So I watched Little Mosque on the Prarie, and it turned out to be not so bad. It wasn't as politically correct as I feared it might be. There are both redneck whites and moronic Muslims. That surprised me.

The jokes are typically sit-com, but I've heard worse. I liked this one: "My parents never fasted during Ramadan...and they're huge." or "I don't think the Prophet had a telescope from CostCo." or "Let's log on to moonsighting.com and let the starving begin." Okay, these are out of context, but they were okay.

I don't think these are offensive, but let's not forget the Mohammed cartoons.

It got great ratings, better than Corner Gas. Oh, it's battle of the Canadian sitcoms.

Author, Author

The Decider ended his speech last night by saying "We go forward with trust that the Author of Liberty will guide us through these trying hours."

When he said that, I kinda sat up and said: The who?

Who's the Author of Liberty? While I, of course, suspect it's God he's talking about here, this isn't a rhetorical question. I've never heard this term before, and I suspect it's an American one. Or maybe it's a Fundamentalist Protestant thing, which would explain why I'm not familiar with it.

I don't see why Chimpy would need to use a fundie "code" word for God since American Presidents have always signed off their speeches with references to God, but why this particular usage?

It reminds me of when Rastafarians refer to Haile Selassie as King of Kings, Lord of Lords, elect of God, conquering Lion of the tribe of Judah. You could throw Author of Liberty in there and nobody would notice.

And, not to be a stickler or anything, but isn't man the author of liberty? Man invented the concept of liberty, no?

Bush's Speech

Yeah, I watched and listened. Here's what I understood:

He's attacking Iran.

This is madness.

Debate Question

What is the youngest age at which a person can legitimately be described as being an asshole?

I figure it is well under the age of 10, but I haven't been able to pinpoint just how young one can be and have one's behaviour regarded as obnoxious and intentionally annoying.

Gastro Alert !

The top story on The National last night was the gastroenteritis outbreak throughout our fair land, and in particular, the fact that it has reached epidemic proportions in Montreal.

And the punch line was: it should be over by the end of March. March! That's a million years from now.

I must've washed my hands 10 times yesterday. I'm afraid of touching anything. I'm carrying a little bottle of Purell in my bag. And me, who takes public transit all the time, exposing myself to such vile germs. Oh, the humanity.

I caught that bug last February at my uncle's 70th Birthday party. It was the worst (the bug not the party).

My most vivid memory? Lying on the bathroom floor, thinking this is a really undignified way to die. I was convinced the end was near. Man, was I sick. (On the positive side, I lost 4 pounds.)

All this to say, I am terrified of catching it again this winter. But I learn from my mistakes. I have already stocked up in case of emergency. This week I bought a supply of ginger ale, chicken noodle soup packets and soda crackers. If I'm going to catch the bug, at least I'll be able to nurse myself back to health.

Astounding!

The US launches an air strike against "Al Qaeda targets" in Somalia. The first US strikes there since the 1990s. And this happens the day before President Pretzel Boy's biggest speechiest speech ever announcing a troop escalation in Iraq, ' cause, well, you know, that place is full of terrorists! Al Qaeda terrorists!

Those darn Al Qaeda terrorists. They're everywhere!

What a coincidence.

Meanwhile, US troops in Iraq are engaged in some big battle against...um...Iraqi bad guys. Again, it happens to be the day before the Chimperor announces he's sending more troops to fight against...Iraqi bad guys. This just shows how much these extra troops are needed. Who can argue against that?

There's tons of bad guys out there.

You know, I thought that the US mid-term election results indicated that the American people didn't wanna do this Iraqi war thing no more. Apparently, I misread the message. The President knows better. That massive rejection of Repubicans in Congress clearly meant: more troops to Iraq!!

This makes me ill

"The US embassy compound being built inside Baghdad’s Green Zone covers 104 acres, making it six times larger than the United Nations compound in New York. A city within a city for more than 1,000 people, it will have its own water, sewers and electricity, six apartment buildings, a Marine barracks, swimming pool, shops and some walls 15 feet thick."

What's the diff between this and one of Saddam's palaces?

A diplomat could serve a full four-year term and never have to a see a single Iraqi. Well done.

Hooray for global warming

I have now had 3 deliveries of heating oil this year, and my total bill is $140 less than this time last winter.

$140.

I can buy a lot of rock tumblers with that!

In Hockey News

Now far be it from me to want to be a prophet of doom for the local team...heh heh.

But, right before Christmas I, not once but twice, heard commentators say "It smells like a Stanley Cup". (Trust me, this sounds better in French.) So, natch, I predicted that as soon as the media started planning the victory parade the team would start losing.

The result: Canadiens have lost 5 of their last 7.

I am vindicated.

Round Up of Mini Movie-Reviews

Because you're busy and I'm lazy.

Blood Diamond:
Diamonds bad; Africa scary; Leo good.

Volver:
Fun and interesting. Recommended.

The Painted Veil:
If you enjoy Ed Norton being an asshole, this is the film for you.

Children of Men:
Effing grim, but Clive gorgeous.

Why didn't this exist when I was a kid?

Mirth alert!

The Gazette ran an article today about religious-based toys. There is an accompanying photo of an action figure that has black spots all over its arms and legs.

The caption reads: "An action figure of Job comes complete with boils."

I read that an hour ago and I'm still smiling.

In Corner Gas News

The Gazette has an article about Corner Gas today. Apparently, the show has been sold to 26 countries, including Australia (which will be old news to the loyal readers of this blog and its comments section), Finland (land of the Prime Minister who is a text-messaging bad boyfriend) and Iraq.

Iraq?

I'm pondering this. Let's say I'm an Iraqi and I get 4 hours of electricity per day. Am I going to spend 30 minutes of those precious 240 sitting in front of the tube watching Corner Gas? No offense to the show, but I think not.

On the other hand, perhaps Sunnis and Shiites could be united in their hatred of Lacey, the stuck-up Torontonian.

Ewan's thing

Was I not just talking about Ewan McGregor and little Ewan just a few scant days ago? Indeed. And I was correct. I think Ewan just isn't happy unless he's exposing himself to the movie-going public.

ITEM: Penis-baring Ewan McGregor on how his most famous body part almost made it into "Miss Potter": "I did try to get it in the film. They said, 'It's nice, Ewan, but we don't think it quite works with this movie.' They tried animating it: Putting Peter Rabbit's face on it and making it speak to Beatrix, but they didn't think it was tasteful enough in the end." (New York Magazine)

On the cutting edge of Muslim comedy

I see that CNN is reporting on the new Muslim comedy that the CBC is going to start running this month. It’s called Little Mosque on the Prarie. I will definitely give it a chance, but I’m afraid it’s one of those shows where they’ve used all the really funny lines in the commercials, and so the actual show will probably be disappointing. I hope it's not too preachy.

But you never know, it could be okay. It can’t be more small-town than Corner Gas and that’s pretty amusing some weeks.

You can tell from the CNN report that they think we are all cutting edge up here in that someone is daring to air a comedy with Muslims in it. If it was really out there, it would be a comedy about married gay, pot-smoking Muslims who vote Socialist.

More bad news for the old home town

MONTREAL -- Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. is ending tire production at its factory in Valleyfield, Que., affecting nearly 1,000 employees and adding to economic troubles in a province already suffering from forestry industry layoffs.

Softening the blow slightly, the Akron, Ohio-based company also said Thursday it will open a materials mixing centre at the location near Montreal, creating 200 jobs.

"The only thing we know is that there will be 200 employees left at Valleyfield, the rest of us will lose all our jobs," a worker told French-language channel LCN. "It's total uncertainty."

Damn those Ohio-based moguls!

It's hard to imagine Valleyfield without all those people working at "La Goodyear". Yep, that's what people call it "La Goodyear". Happy New Year.

First Saddam Post of 2007 (and maybe the last)

(Warning: This post contains no mirth.)

I may have to kill myself.

I (gulp) find myself agreeing with that ass, Christopher Hitchens. This may lead me to some heavy drinking, as his own company apparently leads him to do.

The soused one says:

“The disgusting video of Saddam Hussein's last moments on the planet is more than a reminder of the inescapable barbarity of capital punishment and of the intelligible and conventional reasons why it should always be opposed. The zoolike scenes in that dank, filthy shed (it seems that those attending were not even asked to turn off their cell phones or forbidden to use them to record souvenir film) were more like a lynching than an execution. At one point, one of the attending magistrates can be heard appealing for decency and calm, but otherwise the fact must be faced: In spite of his mad invective against "the Persians" and other traitors, the only character with a rag of dignity in the whole scene is the father of all hangmen, Saddam Hussein himself.”

The pickled one then quotes Orwell:

“Properly speaking, there is no such thing as revenge. Revenge is an act which you want to commit when you are powerless and because you are powerless: as soon as the sense of impotence is removed, the desire evaporates also.”

Someone else this weekend wrote that when Saddam was hanged all the bodies of the thousands he murdered came back to life and danced in the streets of Baghdad. Pause. You mean they didn’t? Who could’ve known?

New Year's Search

I have put together my wish list for the ideal man.

He should be:

1. as compassionate as Stephen Lewis
2. as smart as David Suzuki
3. as environmentally conscious as Al Gore
4. not too tall (What’s Cannavaro? 5’9”? That’s perfect.)
5. able to cook like Anthony Bourdain
5a. but not smoke, do drugs or rob people like Anthony Bourdain
6. as adventurous as Michael Ware (accent optional)
7. as witty as (for local audience) Guy A. Lepage or (global audience) David Sedaris
8. as literate as Smarty Amis
8a. but not cranky or hateful like Smarty Amis
9. as kind to animals as…ummm…Dr. B., my handsome vet!
10. able to fix things around the house like…ummm…any of those guys on those home renovation shows. Jon Eakes?

How difficult can this be to find? Look, I’m not asking for handsome or athletic or rich. But if I was, well, I see Cannavaro’s name coming up again.

Operation Mirth: Day 2

If I can't be a crab, I have nothing to blog about. This is hard.

But I'm not complaining!! wheee

New Year's Resolution 2007

I found my resolution. It comes courtesy of the McLaughlin Group and that eccentric old curmudgeon John McLaughlin. He said: Mirth is under-rated.

Therefore, like Mr. McLaughlin, I resolve to be more mirthful and perhaps even on occasion exuberant.

If you think that's gonna be easy for a pessimist like me, think again. I'm trying to crack a joyful smile right now and it's a strain.

And, yes, I've gone green for the new year!