Another weekend means another get-together with the Francophone group. And yes indeed PQ Face is supposed to be there. Whilst trying to avoid actually talking to him, I will be listening in for any particularly egregious anti-Anglo statements he may make. Stay tuned...
P.S. It's effing cold! I'm sick of this.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
En Français, SVP
Jeez, another week has gone by with no blogging. Lame.
Fortunately, I have an amusing little anecdote from the weekend. I had dinner on Friday night with a group of Francophone folks. Now, for anyone outside Quebec, allow me to provide a bit of cultural background. Quebec separatists have a "look". The men in particular have a "look", which is middle-aged, grey-haired, glasses and a grey beard, more often than not a goatee.
Friday was my first time meeting this group of Francophones for our soirée en français. We were already a few people around the table at the restaurant, when this fellow comes in and joins us: middle-aged, grey-haired, glasses and a grey beard. Within a couple of minutes of conversation, I had labeled him (in my head) Separatist Know-It-All.
Later, when I showed a picture of our dinner group to my sister, she called him "Classic PQ", so from that point on he has been known as "PQ Face". And was he ever a know-it-all.
Anyway, we were discussing how in most of our work places, we do end up speaking English. Even PQ Face said that with his colleagues he often had no choice but to speak English. In fact, he said, one night he even dreamed in English! Unable to resist I said "That must've been a nightmare!" Hey, it got a big laugh from two other people at our end of the table. It was one of my better ones. PQ Face smiled a bit to acknowledge that he got the joke, and said no, it was just a dream.
Our group is meeting again next weekend, but for now, it appears that PQ Face will not be gracing us with his presence. All I can say is Dieu, Merci.
Fortunately, I have an amusing little anecdote from the weekend. I had dinner on Friday night with a group of Francophone folks. Now, for anyone outside Quebec, allow me to provide a bit of cultural background. Quebec separatists have a "look". The men in particular have a "look", which is middle-aged, grey-haired, glasses and a grey beard, more often than not a goatee.
Friday was my first time meeting this group of Francophones for our soirée en français. We were already a few people around the table at the restaurant, when this fellow comes in and joins us: middle-aged, grey-haired, glasses and a grey beard. Within a couple of minutes of conversation, I had labeled him (in my head) Separatist Know-It-All.
Later, when I showed a picture of our dinner group to my sister, she called him "Classic PQ", so from that point on he has been known as "PQ Face". And was he ever a know-it-all.
Anyway, we were discussing how in most of our work places, we do end up speaking English. Even PQ Face said that with his colleagues he often had no choice but to speak English. In fact, he said, one night he even dreamed in English! Unable to resist I said "That must've been a nightmare!" Hey, it got a big laugh from two other people at our end of the table. It was one of my better ones. PQ Face smiled a bit to acknowledge that he got the joke, and said no, it was just a dream.
Our group is meeting again next weekend, but for now, it appears that PQ Face will not be gracing us with his presence. All I can say is Dieu, Merci.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Lundi Bleu
Hey everybody, it's Blue Monday. Apparently, the saddest day of the year. The 3rd Monday in January.
But it's sunny and not ridiculously cold (unlike recent days) so I'm not all that sad. I've lost 2 pounds on my New Year's Diet. That is worth 10 times that amount in non-sadness points. Or so I have decided.
But it's sunny and not ridiculously cold (unlike recent days) so I'm not all that sad. I've lost 2 pounds on my New Year's Diet. That is worth 10 times that amount in non-sadness points. Or so I have decided.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Let Me Keep This Vague
I shouldn't be blogging about this, but some things are just too good for a gossipy blogger to resist.
So, vaguely, let me say that someone who works in the same place I do was nabbed by the Feds in California late last year. Let's call him The Nabbed. The Nabbed has been charged with five counts of nefarious activities, of the bribery and fraud variety, and is currently sitting in the Big House awaiting preliminary hearing (or whatever the Americans call this first stage of proceedings).
There has been no official word from the Administration on this, but ooooh boy, is it all over the building!
Anyway, this week I happened upon the affidavit which was submitted by the FBI agent in charge of the case. And, oooh boy, is it a good one. This is the first time I have ever read such type of document.
Let me just say this about a well-written affidavit. A well-written affidavit makes you think "Wow, we find the Defendant incredibly guilty!" I've been wanting to use this line since yesterday. And now I have. Believe me, it is a thorough and darn well-written affidavit. Oh, the details! It has it all: Eastern European bad guys, a Swiss bank account, money in brown envelopes.
Being the kind of person who likes to ridicule the criminal element, I have been joking all week about trying to picture The Nabbed in an orange jumpsuit, as he circles the prison yard looking for like-minded white-collar criminals with whom he can discuss fine wines and international jet setting whilst avoiding like hell any big guys named Bubba.
So, vaguely, let me say that someone who works in the same place I do was nabbed by the Feds in California late last year. Let's call him The Nabbed. The Nabbed has been charged with five counts of nefarious activities, of the bribery and fraud variety, and is currently sitting in the Big House awaiting preliminary hearing (or whatever the Americans call this first stage of proceedings).
There has been no official word from the Administration on this, but ooooh boy, is it all over the building!
Anyway, this week I happened upon the affidavit which was submitted by the FBI agent in charge of the case. And, oooh boy, is it a good one. This is the first time I have ever read such type of document.
Let me just say this about a well-written affidavit. A well-written affidavit makes you think "Wow, we find the Defendant incredibly guilty!" I've been wanting to use this line since yesterday. And now I have. Believe me, it is a thorough and darn well-written affidavit. Oh, the details! It has it all: Eastern European bad guys, a Swiss bank account, money in brown envelopes.
Being the kind of person who likes to ridicule the criminal element, I have been joking all week about trying to picture The Nabbed in an orange jumpsuit, as he circles the prison yard looking for like-minded white-collar criminals with whom he can discuss fine wines and international jet setting whilst avoiding like hell any big guys named Bubba.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Couple of Random Things because...
...I'm already slacking off and it's only mid-January. So unrelated items here.
1. In American politics, I loved this headline today "Ohio bartender contemplated poisoning John Boehner". Well, who hasn't? In all honesty, who hasn't at least once contemplated poisoning John Boehner? He's so poisonable!
2. In local labour news, pretty well every city bus has at least one big sticker, some buses are covered in stickers, protesting the lack of negotiations with the City (or is it the Province? I dunno) who basically want to cut the very generous pensions of public workers. These stickers want Open Negotiations which translates as Libre Negotiations. But the stickers all say
Libre Nego
and EVERY SINGLE DAY I misread it and do a double-take, because I think it says:
Libre Negro.
EVERY SINGLE TIME.
1. In American politics, I loved this headline today "Ohio bartender contemplated poisoning John Boehner". Well, who hasn't? In all honesty, who hasn't at least once contemplated poisoning John Boehner? He's so poisonable!
2. In local labour news, pretty well every city bus has at least one big sticker, some buses are covered in stickers, protesting the lack of negotiations with the City (or is it the Province? I dunno) who basically want to cut the very generous pensions of public workers. These stickers want Open Negotiations which translates as Libre Negotiations. But the stickers all say
Libre Nego
and EVERY SINGLE DAY I misread it and do a double-take, because I think it says:
Libre Negro.
EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Wednesday, January 07, 2015
The French
I, for one, am glad that numerous websites and news sites are reproducing the French comics. This will assist me in my tireless search to locate even one genuinely funny one. Just one. I don't ask a lot. Just one.
Sunday, January 04, 2015
Ice, ice, baby
That stuff that looks like snow on the railing? It ain't snow. It's solid ice.
I luvs me some January.
I luvs me some January.
Friday, January 02, 2015
A Mystery
Every night between 11 and 11:30, a car pulls up in front of the house next door and a driver delivers some food.
It is never pizza.
It is an unmarked car, doesn't have a chicken on top or anything. It could be Chalet, since they use unmarked cars (for security reasons, no doubt. So nobody carjacks their chicken, fries, bottom half of bun and delicious, drinkable s'ohs.)
Every night. Around the same time. Without fail. Intriguing.
It is never pizza.
It is an unmarked car, doesn't have a chicken on top or anything. It could be Chalet, since they use unmarked cars (for security reasons, no doubt. So nobody carjacks their chicken, fries, bottom half of bun and delicious, drinkable s'ohs.)
Every night. Around the same time. Without fail. Intriguing.
Thursday, January 01, 2015
Post Number Two: 2015
I haz an inkling that a number of posts for 2015 are going to involve my boss, or as he is henceforth to be known: The Stupidest Man Alive (TSMA).
Just to refresh the reader's memory, I work in an editorial department, thus my boss would be the Head of Editorial. If ever there was a Head that didn't know its ass from a hole in the ground, this would be that Head. Any story I relate about TSMA may be slightly disguised to protect the guilty but will in essence be an accurate depiction, without embellishment, of his utter, utter, inconceivable stupidity. I would not wish my on-line memoir to be accused of embellishment and be pursued by Oprah and her gang of thugs, therefore I will relay the facts, the true facts, to the best of my ability. Onward...
Yesterday, being the last day of 2014, we were short-staffed so only myself and TSMA were in the office. He comes to see me to consult on something, given, he says, my "expertise" on the subject matter. Right. (Background: TSMA has been the Ass of Editorial for 22 months now. 22 months!) Without going into detail this is the head-scratcher he presented to me: a text with a title and numbered paragraphs that were presented as such:
2.1 full title
2.1.1 first paragraph's text
2.1 second paragraph's text
2.1.3 third paragraph's text
The clever reader may already sense where this is headed.
The puzzler involved what did I think about this repetition of "2.1". Was it new a title? No, I replied. There's a "2" missing. It needs a "2". It should be 2.1.2. Anyone who knows me in person can pretty well conjure the tone of my voice as I relayed this expert opinion. (22 months he has been Head of Editorial. 22 fucking months!) Ah, said he, I thought so too but I wanted to get your confirmation on this. He turned and departed, his little brain at ease.
FIN (of my sanity)
Just to refresh the reader's memory, I work in an editorial department, thus my boss would be the Head of Editorial. If ever there was a Head that didn't know its ass from a hole in the ground, this would be that Head. Any story I relate about TSMA may be slightly disguised to protect the guilty but will in essence be an accurate depiction, without embellishment, of his utter, utter, inconceivable stupidity. I would not wish my on-line memoir to be accused of embellishment and be pursued by Oprah and her gang of thugs, therefore I will relay the facts, the true facts, to the best of my ability. Onward...
Yesterday, being the last day of 2014, we were short-staffed so only myself and TSMA were in the office. He comes to see me to consult on something, given, he says, my "expertise" on the subject matter. Right. (Background: TSMA has been the Ass of Editorial for 22 months now. 22 months!) Without going into detail this is the head-scratcher he presented to me: a text with a title and numbered paragraphs that were presented as such:
2.1 full title
2.1.1 first paragraph's text
2.1 second paragraph's text
2.1.3 third paragraph's text
The clever reader may already sense where this is headed.
The puzzler involved what did I think about this repetition of "2.1". Was it new a title? No, I replied. There's a "2" missing. It needs a "2". It should be 2.1.2. Anyone who knows me in person can pretty well conjure the tone of my voice as I relayed this expert opinion. (22 months he has been Head of Editorial. 22 fucking months!) Ah, said he, I thought so too but I wanted to get your confirmation on this. He turned and departed, his little brain at ease.
FIN (of my sanity)
Happy New Year 2015
Whoo hoo! I'm posting something. I'm sticking with that New Year's Resolution for at least one day!
I'll be tinkering with a new look, etc., over the next couple of days. But rest assured, the look might be different, but the content will be the same old crap!
I'll be tinkering with a new look, etc., over the next couple of days. But rest assured, the look might be different, but the content will be the same old crap!
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Back on a Big Day
Hey there,
What's it been? 5 months since my last posting? Oh well. Here I am to mark Bruce Springsteen's 65th Birthday!
Happy Birthday, Bruce, you old man.
Do Americans get an Old Age Pension starting at 65? I'm not sure. If they do, I'm guessing Bruce will get his clawed back.
What's it been? 5 months since my last posting? Oh well. Here I am to mark Bruce Springsteen's 65th Birthday!
Happy Birthday, Bruce, you old man.
Do Americans get an Old Age Pension starting at 65? I'm not sure. If they do, I'm guessing Bruce will get his clawed back.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
My Apologia
Truly I have missed the boat
A lump is forming in my throat
Bitter tears I may weep so
For I am lame at NaPoMo
What's the reason?
For this treason?
Is it the beautiful Spring season?
No alas the blame's all mine.
My aging brain cannot find rhymes.
But, honestly, my job, the stress
Has made my poetic dreams a mess.
I could not write, try as I must.
Knuckles has left me in the dust.
I do not have to spur me on
Vacation pics of tiny thongs.
My imagination does not lead me
To write of Alec Baldwin's wee wee.
But tomorrow I shall be on the beach
And my inspiration there may reach
Great heights, due to the waves that rise
And chips sold under the name of Wise.
A lump is forming in my throat
Bitter tears I may weep so
For I am lame at NaPoMo
What's the reason?
For this treason?
Is it the beautiful Spring season?
No alas the blame's all mine.
My aging brain cannot find rhymes.
But, honestly, my job, the stress
Has made my poetic dreams a mess.
I could not write, try as I must.
Knuckles has left me in the dust.
I do not have to spur me on
Vacation pics of tiny thongs.
My imagination does not lead me
To write of Alec Baldwin's wee wee.
But tomorrow I shall be on the beach
And my inspiration there may reach
Great heights, due to the waves that rise
And chips sold under the name of Wise.
Monday, April 07, 2014
Saturday, April 05, 2014
Pre-Election couplet
Background for Non-Quebeckers: Francois Legault is saying his 3rd place CAQ party can win a majority. Now the couplet:
Legault's delusion
is amusin' .
Legault's delusion
is amusin' .
Friday, April 04, 2014
Post Colonoscopy Friday
I am back at work.
My boss is a jerk.
In his office he hides
While angry staff
Plot his demise.
My boss is a jerk.
In his office he hides
While angry staff
Plot his demise.
Thursday, April 03, 2014
It's Colonoscopy Thursday
On Day 3 of NaPoMo
let us forget the beer and gin.
My drink today, it must rum
to forget the camera
that went up my bum.
let us forget the beer and gin.
My drink today, it must rum
to forget the camera
that went up my bum.
Wednesday, April 02, 2014
Day 2; stuck already
It's Day 2 and I am in a bind
because I rhyme I cannot find
I have no spare time and it's not at all funny
When you don't have all day to roll in your "package money"
because I rhyme I cannot find
I have no spare time and it's not at all funny
When you don't have all day to roll in your "package money"
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Aaaand we're off!
NaPoMo at last is here!
Let us gather
and drink beer
If, with the weeks,
our rhymes go thin
let us re-group
and drink gin
Let us gather
and drink beer
If, with the weeks,
our rhymes go thin
let us re-group
and drink gin
Monday, March 31, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
The Countdown Starts
5..4..3..2..
This is as good a day as any to start the countdown to NaPoMo. I know that Knuckles already has all his poems ready to post. I am not so organized. The best I can manage to is try to come up with a list of topics, one for each day, and then wing it.
So far I have:
1 April: NaPoMo lift off
7 April: Election Day
8 April: the Day after Election Day
I'm in NaPoMo Trouble.
This is as good a day as any to start the countdown to NaPoMo. I know that Knuckles already has all his poems ready to post. I am not so organized. The best I can manage to is try to come up with a list of topics, one for each day, and then wing it.
So far I have:
1 April: NaPoMo lift off
7 April: Election Day
8 April: the Day after Election Day
I'm in NaPoMo Trouble.
Wednesday, March 05, 2014
Tuesday, March 04, 2014
Tax Time! Tax TIme!
The fair City of Montreal in its thoughtfulness delayed sending out our municipal tax bills until Knuckles had returned from sunny Mexico. Who knew KG has such influence at City Hall?
But now that's he back, the City released the bills. Mine arrived. It is up $42 for the year, meaning up $21 for each of the two payments. Le Sigh.
But now that's he back, the City released the bills. Mine arrived. It is up $42 for the year, meaning up $21 for each of the two payments. Le Sigh.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Happy Birthday to Moi
Here I am, the last of the February birthdays.
How do I feel? COLD! It's like minus 17 windchill out there! Enough of this winter silliness.
How do I feel? COLD! It's like minus 17 windchill out there! Enough of this winter silliness.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
And the Birthdays Continue
Happy Birthday to Mrs Anonymous. A mere, what is it, 46 today? Pshaw! Youth!
Have a great b-day and make sure all your men treat you right!
Have a great b-day and make sure all your men treat you right!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to Ms. Mushrooms, 53 years young today.
I know you already had your celebratory birthday Chinese food dinner on the weekend, but tell the family you need an extra day of pampering, given your advancing years. Respect and all that stuff, etc.
Let us know how this suggestion works out, ok?
I know you already had your celebratory birthday Chinese food dinner on the weekend, but tell the family you need an extra day of pampering, given your advancing years. Respect and all that stuff, etc.
Let us know how this suggestion works out, ok?
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Old Celeb No. 3
Pa Walton died. Not Grandpa Walton, he died over 30 years ago. But Pa Walton. Ralph Waite. He was 85. That's the trio for the week.
Now...onto the Olympics.
Our short trackers went from great to sucking in under a week. Very disappointing.
Johnny Weir. I don't see NBC in the morning, so I haven't seen his commentary, but I was reading about his fabulous outfits on Slate this morning. He can't be more gay, can he? He's not just gay, he's GAY!!!!! and everyone loves him for it. Except maybe Putin.
Now...onto the Olympics.
Our short trackers went from great to sucking in under a week. Very disappointing.
Johnny Weir. I don't see NBC in the morning, so I haven't seen his commentary, but I was reading about his fabulous outfits on Slate this morning. He can't be more gay, can he? He's not just gay, he's GAY!!!!! and everyone loves him for it. Except maybe Putin.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Olde Celebs Kicking Off
Yesterday, Shirley Temple.
Today, Sid Caesar.
Who's next?
Olympic sidenote:
Why do all the male Asian short-track speed skaters have red hair?
Today, Sid Caesar.
Who's next?
Olympic sidenote:
Why do all the male Asian short-track speed skaters have red hair?
Thursday, February 06, 2014
Happy Birthday, Mr. A.
Mr. Anonymous is a spry 53 today.
He has no time to celebrate, however, as he is immersed in Exodus UK. Good luck with that.
He will probably be reading it at the arena.
He has no time to celebrate, however, as he is immersed in Exodus UK. Good luck with that.
He will probably be reading it at the arena.
Friday, January 31, 2014
One week to go
Guess what? I'm totally uninterested in the Olympics. There's one week to go, and I am, like, yeah whatever. I'm assuming this will change once it starts but right now, I really could not care less.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
It's Birthday Season Again
First up, Mr. Mushrooms.
Happy 53rd!
53 is still "early" 50s, right? Am I Right?
Next year we will enter mid-50s.
And after mid-50s...we shall wear the bottoms of our trousers rolled.
Happy 53rd!
53 is still "early" 50s, right? Am I Right?
Next year we will enter mid-50s.
And after mid-50s...we shall wear the bottoms of our trousers rolled.
Wednesday, January 01, 2014
Happy New Year 2014
*honk honk* *horn blowing sounds*
Another year down the tubes; another one set to go down.
My New Year's Resolutions list is very short this year and entirely work-related.
1. Remain employed.
2. Don't kill boss.
3. Don't laugh in boss's face.
Also, it's sooooo cold out! I didn't order this weather. Who ordered this weather? Send it back.
4. Try to blog more often.
Another year down the tubes; another one set to go down.
My New Year's Resolutions list is very short this year and entirely work-related.
1. Remain employed.
2. Don't kill boss.
3. Don't laugh in boss's face.
Also, it's sooooo cold out! I didn't order this weather. Who ordered this weather? Send it back.
4. Try to blog more often.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Celebrity Death News
Peter O'Toole has died.
Everyone will talk about Lawrence of Arabia, but really The Stunt Man is his best movie.
Everyone will talk about Lawrence of Arabia, but really The Stunt Man is his best movie.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Local Celebrity Death News
Oh no.
Maurice Mad Dog Vachon has died. He was 84.
Part of my childhood is gone!
Maurice Mad Dog Vachon has died. He was 84.
Part of my childhood is gone!
Friday, October 25, 2013
RIP Mr. D.
I said good-bye today to the friendliest, sweetest cat in the world.
We spent one month short of 9 happy years together. He was the bestest! I will miss him.
We spent one month short of 9 happy years together. He was the bestest! I will miss him.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Montreal Election News
There really isn't anything much to say about our municipal elections, so...wait, holy crap!...there's a transsexual hooker running for City Council.
Take that, Ciccolina. We can run with the best of the sex trade.
Take that, Ciccolina. We can run with the best of the sex trade.
Wednesday, October 02, 2013
So...where have I been for the last 2 weeks? you may ask...or not.
Twelve days ago (but it feels like 100) I took my No. 1 cat, Mr. D., to the vet as I had noticed an alarming weight loss. The vet took one look at him, pulled back his fur to expose his skin, showed me inside of his ears: everything was bright yellow. Advanced jaundice. "He needs immediate hospitalization," she said.
And so began 12 days of expen$ive madne$$ and feline nursing. We rushed off to the animal ho$pital in Lachine. Where he $tayed for 4 days, and the bill ended up well into 4 figure$. I brought him home last Tuesday with 5 different prescriptions and a feeding tube through his tiny nostril. Last week I syringe fed him through his nose. On Thursday, he looked so terrible, I called my vet and made an appointment to have him take a one-way trip to the giant catnip field in the sky.
But then...over the course of the weekend...he started to eat and drink on his own. He managed to sneeze the feeding tube right out of his tummy and out his nose. On Sunday, the Governor called with a stay of execution.
So on Monday I took him to our scheduled appointment but not for euthanasia, but for a consult. And we came home, both of us, with a new feeding schedule and I hope for a 9th life. However short or long that 9th life might be is unknown, but we are giving it our best shot.
And I am exhausted.
And so began 12 days of expen$ive madne$$ and feline nursing. We rushed off to the animal ho$pital in Lachine. Where he $tayed for 4 days, and the bill ended up well into 4 figure$. I brought him home last Tuesday with 5 different prescriptions and a feeding tube through his tiny nostril. Last week I syringe fed him through his nose. On Thursday, he looked so terrible, I called my vet and made an appointment to have him take a one-way trip to the giant catnip field in the sky.
But then...over the course of the weekend...he started to eat and drink on his own. He managed to sneeze the feeding tube right out of his tummy and out his nose. On Sunday, the Governor called with a stay of execution.
So on Monday I took him to our scheduled appointment but not for euthanasia, but for a consult. And we came home, both of us, with a new feeding schedule and I hope for a 9th life. However short or long that 9th life might be is unknown, but we are giving it our best shot.
And I am exhausted.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Life is not all bad
Well, I knew there had to be a reason why I stayed home today, right? A few minutes ago, I heard a loud vehicle noise, and looked out to see a fire truck parked in front of my house. Odd, I thought. I have no fire currently burning in my home.
Shortly thereafter my doorbell rang. I opened the door to find not one, not two, but three firemen on my porch. "Oh my, are you strippers?" I asked, "Is it my birthday?" No, it is not even my birthday.
But they weren't strippers. They are real firemen and they were here to check if my smoke detectors were operational. Confession, they weren't. I admitted immediately that they were indeed not operational, as they have a tendency to go off for no reason. (And I am afraid they will go off when I am away and this noise will torture the cats for an extended period of time. So that is why I disconnected them, but there was no way I was going to admit that to the three nice firemen.)
So they checked the smoke detectors and put new batteries in them and reinstalled them for me. What could I say? I know it is for the best. Then they prepared to leave and one said "Do I issue a fine ("une contravention") to this lady ("cette madame")? I said "Oh No" and they all laughed and said it was a joke and firemen don't issue fines. Well, ha ha, aren't you gentlemen amusing?
Thank you, gammy leg!
Still on the couch
It's Day 4 of immobilization. That is an exaggeration. I am mobile, just not motivated enough to face public transit and a whole day at work without being able to elevate or ice the old gammy leg. So today is a vacation day.
Still have Indian food to finish! Busy, busy.
Still have Indian food to finish! Busy, busy.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
My Life as an Invalid
I am now on my third full day of invalidity (invalidness?) Time enough to reflect on the good and bad sides of being stuck at home with a bum leg.
Pros:
1. Guilt-free eating. As Miss Frugal I can never justify ordering in food for myself alone, but when one is incapacitated, the sky's the limit. Pizza on Friday and Indian last night, with plenty of leftovers, meaning more pizza yesterday and tonight and more Indian today and tomorrow.
2. Guilt-free sleeping. When you basically can't move, why get up? Other than to feed the felines and use the facilities, there's no reason to get up before 10. So this has been three nights in a row of 9 or 10 hours sleep. It has been heavenly. The heavenly healing power of rest.
3. Time to read an actual book!
Cons:
1. Pain.
2. Pain.
3. Discomfort.
Pros:
1. Guilt-free eating. As Miss Frugal I can never justify ordering in food for myself alone, but when one is incapacitated, the sky's the limit. Pizza on Friday and Indian last night, with plenty of leftovers, meaning more pizza yesterday and tonight and more Indian today and tomorrow.
2. Guilt-free sleeping. When you basically can't move, why get up? Other than to feed the felines and use the facilities, there's no reason to get up before 10. So this has been three nights in a row of 9 or 10 hours sleep. It has been heavenly. The heavenly healing power of rest.
3. Time to read an actual book!
Cons:
1. Pain.
2. Pain.
3. Discomfort.
Friday, September 13, 2013
More Tips from the Poors
Here are other ways to save $$ according to the very helpful article on Savings Tips from Poor People.
2. Go to your local Dollar Store!
3. Check grocery flyers for special deals!
4. Consider public transportation or a bike! (Cars are expensive.)
5. Get a library card!
This article is truly ground-breaking.
2. Go to your local Dollar Store!
3. Check grocery flyers for special deals!
4. Consider public transportation or a bike! (Cars are expensive.)
5. Get a library card!
This article is truly ground-breaking.
Couch Net Surfing
I am on the couch with an ice-pack on my twisted knee, and I expect to be here for the next few days, so, hurray for the universe, there is likely to be a surge in boredom-based blogging. Like I may catch up on a whole year's worth of neglected blogging just for something to do. And there's just so much to complain about, I hardly know where to start...
The obvious place to begin is with our Provincial government's latest foray into blatant, racist foolishness but that will put me in a bad mood, so I am going to skip to something small and silly. Sympatico has one of their lame articles up today entitled How to Learn Savings Tips from Poor People" (I paraphrase). Anyway Tip No. 1 is....don't buy bottled water. Really? In fact all 10 of their Poor People-inspired tips are things I do everyday. So have I been a closet poor all along? Don't buy bottled water because at $1.50 a bottle, that costs a lot over the course of a year. Who knew? Only the poors, apparently.
The obvious place to begin is with our Provincial government's latest foray into blatant, racist foolishness but that will put me in a bad mood, so I am going to skip to something small and silly. Sympatico has one of their lame articles up today entitled How to Learn Savings Tips from Poor People" (I paraphrase). Anyway Tip No. 1 is....don't buy bottled water. Really? In fact all 10 of their Poor People-inspired tips are things I do everyday. So have I been a closet poor all along? Don't buy bottled water because at $1.50 a bottle, that costs a lot over the course of a year. Who knew? Only the poors, apparently.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Awkward moments in Judeo-Christian relations
Have you ever been somewhere you knew you needed to be, but wanted to get outta there as fast as you possibly could?
Smoothie's dad died last week, and this afternoon I went to the shiva. I read up on shivas on Wikipedia, but frankly, it didn't help. One thing I had been told was to make sure I removed my shoes. But they had posted a sign on the door saying guests didn't have to remove their shoes. So what was I supposed to do? Shoes on or shoes off? I was already having an anxiety attack in the vestibule. I took off my shoes and went into the living room.
I knew the family were not supposed to greet me. I was to walk over to them, but I didn't know where to go first. To Smoothie's mom? Smoothie? What to do? Everyone was in black, black dresses on all three of the ladies, Smoothie in a black shirt and pants, torn black tie.
His mom was occupied talking to people, so I approached him, Smoothie sitting low on his uncomfortable chair. As I was talking to him, his mother said "Nanuk, take a chair and sit down." I'd never met any of the Smoothie family before, so how did she know I was me? I didn't sit right away, because I was feeling so obvious and Catholic! Eventually, I got around to shaking her hand and again she said "Nanuk, take a chair and sit!" Mama Smoothie is a force of Nature, I quickly learnt.
Also, when you offer condolences, the family is not supposed to thank you. But Mama Smoothie thanked me and said they were doing the mourning all wrong. Okay, I thought. Older sister Smoothie also thanked me, but sister Smoothie the younger just looked at me in an evil way when I offered my sympathies. I just wanted to run away. Which I did after signing the book of condolences.
Smoothie's dad died last week, and this afternoon I went to the shiva. I read up on shivas on Wikipedia, but frankly, it didn't help. One thing I had been told was to make sure I removed my shoes. But they had posted a sign on the door saying guests didn't have to remove their shoes. So what was I supposed to do? Shoes on or shoes off? I was already having an anxiety attack in the vestibule. I took off my shoes and went into the living room.
I knew the family were not supposed to greet me. I was to walk over to them, but I didn't know where to go first. To Smoothie's mom? Smoothie? What to do? Everyone was in black, black dresses on all three of the ladies, Smoothie in a black shirt and pants, torn black tie.
His mom was occupied talking to people, so I approached him, Smoothie sitting low on his uncomfortable chair. As I was talking to him, his mother said "Nanuk, take a chair and sit down." I'd never met any of the Smoothie family before, so how did she know I was me? I didn't sit right away, because I was feeling so obvious and Catholic! Eventually, I got around to shaking her hand and again she said "Nanuk, take a chair and sit!" Mama Smoothie is a force of Nature, I quickly learnt.
Also, when you offer condolences, the family is not supposed to thank you. But Mama Smoothie thanked me and said they were doing the mourning all wrong. Okay, I thought. Older sister Smoothie also thanked me, but sister Smoothie the younger just looked at me in an evil way when I offered my sympathies. I just wanted to run away. Which I did after signing the book of condolences.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
I found my way back
I've haven't' blogged in I dunno how long, but jeez Eydie Gorme died, so I had to come on-line to bid her adieu. Steve is still alive.
RIP Eydie.
RIP Eydie.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
Just sayin'
I don't care about the Royal Baby.
I don't care if the Royal Baby is a boy or a girl.
I don't care what day the Royal Baby will be born.
I just don't care.
I don't care if the Royal Baby is a boy or a girl.
I don't care what day the Royal Baby will be born.
I just don't care.
Thursday, July 04, 2013
Happy 4th of July
Ted Nugent announced today that he may run for President in 2016.
Please, Lord, let it be so.
Wango Tango! Wango Tango!
Please, Lord, let it be so.
Wango Tango! Wango Tango!
Monday, July 01, 2013
Hot Dog! It's Canada Day
Happy Canada Day to one and all.
Mark Carney begins his first day on the job as the Governor of the Bank of England. What a mistake. He has already given up one day off! I miss him. Come back to Canada, Mark, and run for the Liberals, and win and become Prime Minister and make everything okay again. Please.
In other Canada Day news. Anyone who has met Smoothie, or in Mushrooms' case, talked to him on the phone, may have detected a scent of Ignatius J. Reilly about him. I often find him very Ignatius like. In a case of life imitating art, today Smoothie is manning a Hot Dog stand down in the Old Port. And he is so excited about the experience. Ever since they announced that the City of Montreal will be permitting street vendors, he has been talking about that as a dream job. Serving people, talking all day long to strangers. Yep, that would be his dream job. Let us hope that today opens the door to a long career of hot dog vending.
Mark Carney begins his first day on the job as the Governor of the Bank of England. What a mistake. He has already given up one day off! I miss him. Come back to Canada, Mark, and run for the Liberals, and win and become Prime Minister and make everything okay again. Please.
In other Canada Day news. Anyone who has met Smoothie, or in Mushrooms' case, talked to him on the phone, may have detected a scent of Ignatius J. Reilly about him. I often find him very Ignatius like. In a case of life imitating art, today Smoothie is manning a Hot Dog stand down in the Old Port. And he is so excited about the experience. Ever since they announced that the City of Montreal will be permitting street vendors, he has been talking about that as a dream job. Serving people, talking all day long to strangers. Yep, that would be his dream job. Let us hope that today opens the door to a long career of hot dog vending.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Tony Soprano
I don't know what to say, except he was younger than us. He probably had a very unhealthy lifestyle. But it still seems so wrong and unfair to drop dead at 51.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Smoking on Mad Men
Betty has always been completely alien to me as a mother. But last night for the first time in 6 seasons, Betty did something my own mother once did. She offered her teen-aged daughter a cigarette, saying she would rather have her smoking in front of her than behind her back.
Sally accepted the smoke; I did not.
Now I wonder if my mother would have been happy to have someone to smoke with. Never thought of it that way before... my mom, my smoking buddy? Did my sister and I both let our mother down by never taking up smoking? My mom smoked for only a couple more years after that, so maybe she gave it up because she didn't have a daughter to smoke with.
Sally accepted the smoke; I did not.
Now I wonder if my mother would have been happy to have someone to smoke with. Never thought of it that way before... my mom, my smoking buddy? Did my sister and I both let our mother down by never taking up smoking? My mom smoked for only a couple more years after that, so maybe she gave it up because she didn't have a daughter to smoke with.
Monday, June 17, 2013
We are an embarrassment
Last year, our dodo of a mayor resigned. So we got an Interim mayor. This morning the Interim mayor was arrested.
Is there a brown paper bag big enough to cover the whole island?
Is there a brown paper bag big enough to cover the whole island?
Thursday, June 13, 2013
The Man of My Dreams
Rupert Murdoch has filed for divorce from his 44-year-old wifey.
Finally. My chance to get my paws on that 82-year-old BILLIONAIRE hunk.
Finally. My chance to get my paws on that 82-year-old BILLIONAIRE hunk.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Mad Men Question
How many years of therapy is Sally Draper going to need?
Correction: How many decades of therapy...?
Correction: How many decades of therapy...?
I'm still alive
I have not ceased to exist. Work is super busy. And this is the suckiest Spring we have had in years. Bleh!!
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
In CPN News
Spying over the fence for the past couple days, I have noted that the CPN is not going to work and spends the whole day (outdoors, of course) in his pyjamas and a robe. While this type of behaviour could indicate that he has entered the Hefner Zone, I do not believe this to be the case.
Yesterday, while CPN Wife and CPN Daughter ate a normal supper, CPN himself dined on toast and soup. So clearly, he has recently undergone surgery of some kind.
In the immortal words of Basil Fawlty: Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Yesterday, while CPN Wife and CPN Daughter ate a normal supper, CPN himself dined on toast and soup. So clearly, he has recently undergone surgery of some kind.
In the immortal words of Basil Fawlty: Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Friday Update
1. Happy 72nd Birthday to Bob.
2. My employer will not be moving to the Middle East. Official announcement came this morning from our dear friend, the Minister Buffoon of Foreign Affairs of Canada.
3. Third item, Happy High School Graduation to Miss Mushrooms Jr. All growed up.
2. My employer will not be moving to the Middle East. Official announcement came this morning from our dear friend, the Minister Buffoon of Foreign Affairs of Canada.
3. Third item, Happy High School Graduation to Miss Mushrooms Jr. All growed up.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Battle of the Network Starz
Have you ever met anyone who has been on a reality show? Up until last night, I would have had to answer No to this question.
But last night my sister's contractor, the guy who re-did her kitchen and bathroom, was a contestant on a show on Discovery where people race their old jalopy bazoos around an obstacle course. The winner gets a refinishing job on his bazoo while the losers get their cars impaled on a big thing called the "Spike of Shame" (which has nothing to do with Sean Connery's wang, which I still have not seen a full frontal picture of...but I digress). I met this contractor last summer and if ever there was a contractor who deserved his own reality show, it is him. He is a "character" of epic proportions. Mike Holmes is a dullard compared to this fellow. No wonder his wife sent his name in to audition for TV. Some people were born to be on TV. He didn't win, though, and his beloved van was impaled on the Spike of Shame.
This is the second person my sister knows to appear on a reality show in the past year. Earlier, the daughter of a colleague was in a episode of a program where young women who have poor money sense (and generally no common sense) get read the riot act and put on a budget by the loud-mouthed Gail V.O., she of the undeterminable accent. (Actually, it's Jamaican, but you never expect to hear a Jamaican accent from a white person, do you? Admit it, you don't.) That young woman got $5000 for her public humiliation. Is that a fair bargain? I dunno. But in my mind, anyone who belongs to an on-line shoe club and gets new shoes mailed to her on a regular basis, deserves public humiliation.
My sister's new career: Hanger on to the D listers.
But last night my sister's contractor, the guy who re-did her kitchen and bathroom, was a contestant on a show on Discovery where people race their old jalopy bazoos around an obstacle course. The winner gets a refinishing job on his bazoo while the losers get their cars impaled on a big thing called the "Spike of Shame" (which has nothing to do with Sean Connery's wang, which I still have not seen a full frontal picture of...but I digress). I met this contractor last summer and if ever there was a contractor who deserved his own reality show, it is him. He is a "character" of epic proportions. Mike Holmes is a dullard compared to this fellow. No wonder his wife sent his name in to audition for TV. Some people were born to be on TV. He didn't win, though, and his beloved van was impaled on the Spike of Shame.
This is the second person my sister knows to appear on a reality show in the past year. Earlier, the daughter of a colleague was in a episode of a program where young women who have poor money sense (and generally no common sense) get read the riot act and put on a budget by the loud-mouthed Gail V.O., she of the undeterminable accent. (Actually, it's Jamaican, but you never expect to hear a Jamaican accent from a white person, do you? Admit it, you don't.) That young woman got $5000 for her public humiliation. Is that a fair bargain? I dunno. But in my mind, anyone who belongs to an on-line shoe club and gets new shoes mailed to her on a regular basis, deserves public humiliation.
My sister's new career: Hanger on to the D listers.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
In Hockey News
It is extremely rare that, alone in my living room, I shout Yessss during a sports event. But when Boston scored that 4th goal last night, I was, like, Yessss Yessss. If cats could manage a hi-five, I would've had them all doing it.
Sweet.
Truth is, I don't hate the Leafs at all. I have no problem with any of the players, and I think Reimer is very, very good. I just want to see Cherry and all those morons at the CBC be bitterly disappointed. Ah! That was so good.
Sweet.
Truth is, I don't hate the Leafs at all. I have no problem with any of the players, and I think Reimer is very, very good. I just want to see Cherry and all those morons at the CBC be bitterly disappointed. Ah! That was so good.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Astronaut Yawn
Am I the only person totally bored by Chris Hadfield and all his tweeting and guitar playing from space? I'll be glad when he lands back on earth and we don't have to see him on the news anymore.
I'm a nerd, but I'm not a science nerd. Actually, I am science idiot. I know nothing. And I'm good with that.
I'm a nerd, but I'm not a science nerd. Actually, I am science idiot. I know nothing. And I'm good with that.
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Neighbourhood watch
Despite myself, I keep looking for updates on that awful Cleveland kidnapping story. You just don't know what your neighbour could be up to. Well, actually in my case, I do, because I can't avoid noting everything my crazy CPNs are doing since they do everything outside. It's Spring, bring out the ironing board!
But I digress.
I love the guy that helped rescue the women. I want him as my neighbour, eating his McDonald's. He is cool. He had dramatic flare, knows how to tell a story. He can sit on my porch and listen to salsa music all he wants. I would feel very safe.
But I digress.
I love the guy that helped rescue the women. I want him as my neighbour, eating his McDonald's. He is cool. He had dramatic flare, knows how to tell a story. He can sit on my porch and listen to salsa music all he wants. I would feel very safe.
Saturday, May 04, 2013
Endless Summer
We can all relax because Summer has truly arrived. The Polish ironing board is now being used outside.
Friday, May 03, 2013
The End of an Era
The big day has finally arrived.
The day that Knuckles G. bids good-bye, adieu, auf wiedersehen, sayonara, to the land of cheese and peanut butter.
Will he be back in 2 weeks, 3, 2 months?
Stay tuned.
For let us never forget the words of Michael Corleone: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."
Happy 14th months vacation!!
The day that Knuckles G. bids good-bye, adieu, auf wiedersehen, sayonara, to the land of cheese and peanut butter.
Will he be back in 2 weeks, 3, 2 months?
Stay tuned.
For let us never forget the words of Michael Corleone: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."
Happy 14th months vacation!!
Thursday, May 02, 2013
In medical news
Yesterday, I visited by GP for my annual check-up, which I hadn't had in two years. ha ha.
As he was putting the cuff on my arm to check my blood pressure, he said "So are you guys moving to the Middle East? How does the voting work? Don't the Americans want you to stay?" I started answering but I knew I was getting agitated, so I said asked him why did you ask me about this when you are taking my blood pressure? I can feel my blood pressure going up! He laughed and said I was right, it was stupid of him to raise the issue while taking my BP.
My BP turned out to be higher than usual, but he said he would take the circumstances into consideration. It's still in the normal range, Middle East or no Middle East.
As he was putting the cuff on my arm to check my blood pressure, he said "So are you guys moving to the Middle East? How does the voting work? Don't the Americans want you to stay?" I started answering but I knew I was getting agitated, so I said asked him why did you ask me about this when you are taking my blood pressure? I can feel my blood pressure going up! He laughed and said I was right, it was stupid of him to raise the issue while taking my BP.
My BP turned out to be higher than usual, but he said he would take the circumstances into consideration. It's still in the normal range, Middle East or no Middle East.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
NaPoMo comes to a close
How quickly the month of April has flown.
I don't have any poem to end the month, unfortunately. But I do have some news.
Guess who is going to be a daddy? FANCY FEAST!
I learned this yesterday, and it has taken me 24 hours to recover from the news. The baby is due in November, and I estimate that by December he/she will already be more mature than Dad.
I don't have any poem to end the month, unfortunately. But I do have some news.
Guess who is going to be a daddy? FANCY FEAST!
I learned this yesterday, and it has taken me 24 hours to recover from the news. The baby is due in November, and I estimate that by December he/she will already be more mature than Dad.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Work News
All the excitement happens in my absence. Last week while I was away, a serious offer was put forward by a country in the Middle East to move our offices over there.
Call me Ms. Knuckles because I may be starting to talk about a package in the next few months.
There has to be a vote, and if it passes, the move would occur in 2016 only. Fortunately for moi, I will be 55 and eligible for early retirement in 2016, albeit on a very reduced pension. But who gives a shit? I'm not moving to the desert! The cats would be uncomfortable!
The new host country would be one of those incredibly wealthy oil states and their offer is very tempting for the organization. (Translation: $$$$$$$$$$$$ for everybody at the top.) But for peons like me, no real advantages. And you have to live in the freakin' desert. It's 50 C for six months of the year. And I don't like A/C!
Call me Ms. Knuckles because I may be starting to talk about a package in the next few months.
There has to be a vote, and if it passes, the move would occur in 2016 only. Fortunately for moi, I will be 55 and eligible for early retirement in 2016, albeit on a very reduced pension. But who gives a shit? I'm not moving to the desert! The cats would be uncomfortable!
The new host country would be one of those incredibly wealthy oil states and their offer is very tempting for the organization. (Translation: $$$$$$$$$$$$ for everybody at the top.) But for peons like me, no real advantages. And you have to live in the freakin' desert. It's 50 C for six months of the year. And I don't like A/C!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Home again
I am back and I have brought the summer with me.
You're welcome.
Only 3 days left in NaPoMo.
You're welcome.
Only 3 days left in NaPoMo.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
This is a long countdown
All packed and ready to go.
If I can get technology on my side
I shall blog from the sunny south.
If not, no.
Oh well.
Back next Friday...
If I can get technology on my side
I shall blog from the sunny south.
If not, no.
Oh well.
Back next Friday...
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Boston
Who attacks a marathon? Fat loser terrorists!! "We're going to get you skinnies!"
(Let me take this opportunity to say I had nothing to do with it.)
(Let me take this opportunity to say I had nothing to do with it.)
Goldfinger
The markets are crashing today because everyone who has gold (i.e. not me) decided to sell it.
Somebody explain the "market" to me again. Gold has for all of human history been great. Wonderful. Desirable. Humans love, want, hoard, etc. gold. But not today.
Today, gold is that thing that you accidentally put your hand in. "OOOH, yuck, icky, icky gold. Get it off, get it off."
Hell, I'll take your gold. Go ahead, make my hands dirty. I can handle it.
Somebody explain the "market" to me again. Gold has for all of human history been great. Wonderful. Desirable. Humans love, want, hoard, etc. gold. But not today.
Today, gold is that thing that you accidentally put your hand in. "OOOH, yuck, icky, icky gold. Get it off, get it off."
Hell, I'll take your gold. Go ahead, make my hands dirty. I can handle it.
5 days to go
Counting down to my vacation.
Looking forward to Friday.
There will be sun.
There will be guns.
In the good ole USA.
Looking forward to Friday.
There will be sun.
There will be guns.
In the good ole USA.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Another Celeb Obit
Jonathan Winters died. He was 87.
All together now: He was still alive???
I loved watching him when I was a kid. I thought he was so funny.
All together now: He was still alive???
I loved watching him when I was a kid. I thought he was so funny.
Buzzzzzzz
The woman who designed the Doomsday Clock has died. She was 96.
There's a "time's up" joke in there somewhere.
I guess we should all be grateful that her clock outlived her.
There's a "time's up" joke in there somewhere.
I guess we should all be grateful that her clock outlived her.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
An Organization for your Organ
Group I did not know existed before yesterday: The Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project.
Thank you, Oprah. Without you, the CFAP would not be on every news site in Canada this week. And the jokes are endless. I could say the jokes just keep on coming, but that might be misinterpreted.
Thank you, Oprah. Without you, the CFAP would not be on every news site in Canada this week. And the jokes are endless. I could say the jokes just keep on coming, but that might be misinterpreted.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Spring has Sprung
This post will not rhyme.
The forecast is for 15 to 20 cm of snow on Friday.
This had better be one of those Weather Network scare tactics that never materializes.
I am depressed.
On the bright side, 9 days until departure for Florida!!
The forecast is for 15 to 20 cm of snow on Friday.
This had better be one of those Weather Network scare tactics that never materializes.
I am depressed.
On the bright side, 9 days until departure for Florida!!
Tuesday, April 09, 2013
North and South
The situation on the Korean Peninsula is inching close to a thermonuclear war due to the evermore undisguised hostile actions of the United States and the South Korean puppet warmongers and their moves for a war against the North, said a statement by the North Korean Asia-Pacific Peace Committee. (CBC)
Lil Kim was a nut job, missing a screw.
When he died, all his countrymen wept on cue.
If they didn't weep and wail.
They'd be dead or tossed in jail.
Kim Jr is now in place of his dad.
And things are looking mucho bad.
He wants to go nuclear.
How very pec-u-liar. (bis)
He knows how to keep himself in the news
By filling his late daddy's platform shoes.
Lil Kim was a nut job, missing a screw.
When he died, all his countrymen wept on cue.
If they didn't weep and wail.
They'd be dead or tossed in jail.
Kim Jr is now in place of his dad.
And things are looking mucho bad.
He wants to go nuclear.
How very pec-u-liar. (bis)
He knows how to keep himself in the news
By filling his late daddy's platform shoes.
Monday, April 08, 2013
What a Day! Obit Threesome!
The Celebrity Death News just keeps on coming!
Next up (or down): The Man They Call Reveen is now the man we can call...deceased.
It is worth a look at his website, just for a glance at his great, great hair. He lived and died in Vegas. What more can I say?
www.reveen.com
Next up (or down): The Man They Call Reveen is now the man we can call...deceased.
It is worth a look at his website, just for a glance at his great, great hair. He lived and died in Vegas. What more can I say?
www.reveen.com
Adios Annette
One of my many, many regrets in life is that when I die my obituary in the New York Times will not refer to me as "Beloved Mouseketeer".
Now...take it away, Knuckles:
"Today I shed a little tear
Because Annette's no longer here.
So, let's all give a great big cheer
For this amazing Mouseketeer".
Now...take it away, Knuckles:
"Today I shed a little tear
Because Annette's no longer here.
So, let's all give a great big cheer
For this amazing Mouseketeer".
Maggie's Farm
Margaret Thatcher bought the farm
In her time, she did much harm.
April 8 will be the date
For all lefties to celebrate.
Nine years ago we lost Reagan, her crony
So why are we still stuck with Mulroney?
In her time, she did much harm.
April 8 will be the date
For all lefties to celebrate.
Nine years ago we lost Reagan, her crony
So why are we still stuck with Mulroney?
Thursday, April 04, 2013
Kill! Kill!
I know I may come across as a right-wing nut job, but I don't care: What is wrong with this country when killing your kids gets you a slap on the wrist and little else??? This is infuriating. I thought it was just Quebec's legal system that is nuts, but now I see that Alberta is just as crazy.
Is there any other country in the Western World that thinks, "oh, you killed your children. That's terrible. Go to a hospital for a year or two, and then you are free to go." Enough with this shit.
Hmm. I wonder if I could adopt my Polish neighbour? heh heh heh.
Is there any other country in the Western World that thinks, "oh, you killed your children. That's terrible. Go to a hospital for a year or two, and then you are free to go." Enough with this shit.
Hmm. I wonder if I could adopt my Polish neighbour? heh heh heh.
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
Screw the West Wind
O wind, I hate your guts.
You hurt my ears
Freeze my face
And make my eyes water.
This does not rhyme.
I do not care.
I want the wind to go away.
Be gone with you, O wind.
Shelley was wrong.
You are nothing to write home about.
You hurt my ears
Freeze my face
And make my eyes water.
This does not rhyme.
I do not care.
I want the wind to go away.
Be gone with you, O wind.
Shelley was wrong.
You are nothing to write home about.
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Back to work ode
Be it
NaPoMo this day
We must still
earn our daily pay
But 4 days
off at home
Makes me at
the office groan
I am
staring at my screen
Writing
rhymes, but not obscene
I would be
at my best
If I had 4
more days to rest
And my grim
face would turn to chuckles
Had I a
package just like Knuckles.Monday, April 01, 2013
Welcome to NaPoMo, our Rite of Spring
Oddly enough, I am not starting the month with a poem, but with a Blast from the Past.
Yesterday, I got a call from the One and Only...Kumar. Has long has it been, eh? I have no idea. Anyway, he was in town with some cousins, staying with his uncle and aunt. Turns out his aunt has developed hoarding tendencies...but that is a whole other story for another time, I suppose.
So, what was new over the past year and a half or so?
Well, he got married.
And then he got divorced.
These people...from these countries...I swear.
He went back for a visit to the A**hole of the World country of his birth, with his parents. While there he agreed to marry a local woman. And he did. Then he came back to Toronto* and started the paperwork for her sponsorship, visa, etc. Then her family started asking him and his parents for a lot of financial compensation. After all, he's a "rich Canadian". He said, in typical Kumar-ese, "what is this shit and blah, blah, blah?" So they flew back to the A**hole of the World, filed divorce papers, paid off her family with some "alimony" and came home.
I said: "I can't believe you didn't tell me you got married!"
K: "But now I'm divorced."
Me: "You should have let me know."
K: "I'm divorced for 5 months now!"
Me: [head shake] [eye roll]
*I said "So what do you think of your Mayor these days?" (He was initially a big fan of Mayor Ford and his family values.) Kumar: "He is a drunkard and should be ashamed of himself".
Drunkard is a great word.
Yesterday, I got a call from the One and Only...Kumar. Has long has it been, eh? I have no idea. Anyway, he was in town with some cousins, staying with his uncle and aunt. Turns out his aunt has developed hoarding tendencies...but that is a whole other story for another time, I suppose.
So, what was new over the past year and a half or so?
Well, he got married.
And then he got divorced.
These people...from these countries...I swear.
He went back for a visit to the A**hole of the World country of his birth, with his parents. While there he agreed to marry a local woman. And he did. Then he came back to Toronto* and started the paperwork for her sponsorship, visa, etc. Then her family started asking him and his parents for a lot of financial compensation. After all, he's a "rich Canadian". He said, in typical Kumar-ese, "what is this shit and blah, blah, blah?" So they flew back to the A**hole of the World, filed divorce papers, paid off her family with some "alimony" and came home.
I said: "I can't believe you didn't tell me you got married!"
K: "But now I'm divorced."
Me: "You should have let me know."
K: "I'm divorced for 5 months now!"
Me: [head shake] [eye roll]
*I said "So what do you think of your Mayor these days?" (He was initially a big fan of Mayor Ford and his family values.) Kumar: "He is a drunkard and should be ashamed of himself".
Drunkard is a great word.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Happy Easter to All
Yes, it is Easter Sunday, and more importantly, it is
The Eve of NaPoMo
Tis the eve of NaPoMo
and all thru the house
not a cat is stirring
since we don't have a mouse.
The dictionary is open,
and waiting for us
to consult it and our
Roget's Thesaurus.
This poem is clean.
It is G-rated
But soon NaPoMo will
be celebrated.
And then all the poems
the short and the long
Will be filled with such words
as doodle, wienie and dong.
The Eve of NaPoMo
Tis the eve of NaPoMo
and all thru the house
not a cat is stirring
since we don't have a mouse.
The dictionary is open,
and waiting for us
to consult it and our
Roget's Thesaurus.
This poem is clean.
It is G-rated
But soon NaPoMo will
be celebrated.
And then all the poems
the short and the long
Will be filled with such words
as doodle, wienie and dong.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Hockey Night in Montreal West
Hooray for the team of Anonymous Ro.
They won the Big Game with 4 seconds to go.
The night was not so ordinary.
I thought his dad would have a coronary.
But the star of the night, I gotta tell ya
Was the Muslim mom with her vuvuzela.
They won the Big Game with 4 seconds to go.
The night was not so ordinary.
I thought his dad would have a coronary.
But the star of the night, I gotta tell ya
Was the Muslim mom with her vuvuzela.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Pre-NaPoMo Celebrity-Death Combo
A poem from Knuckles, in anticipation of NaPoMo, just 10 days away, and to mark the death of Harry Reems.
"Dead is porn star Harry Reems,
at the age of 65.
His long shlong gone forever more,
but the memory stays alive.
The man literally was a fucker,
and did it oh so fine.
And had he toughed it just four more years,
he would've died at 69."
"Dead is porn star Harry Reems,
at the age of 65.
His long shlong gone forever more,
but the memory stays alive.
The man literally was a fucker,
and did it oh so fine.
And had he toughed it just four more years,
he would've died at 69."
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
A first!
On this first day of Spring (HA HA HA!) I got on the bus, which was crowded and quite slow due to the massive snowbanks everywhere. I got a seat at the back of the bus.
There was a guy, middle-aged, white, balding, eating a banana. Eating a banana like he is in his own kitchen and not on public transit. Then he took out a breakfast bar and ate that. Then he took out a second breakfast bar and ate that.
At this point, the bus was quite crowded, with guys standing, so my view of Mr. Breakfast was partially blocked. Thank god for that because suddenly I hear a buzzing noise, a quiet but distinct buzz. Yes, he had pulled out his electric razor and was shaving on the bus. A young girl sitting next to him looked over and then bured her face in her book (Black Boy by Richard Wright, I noted). Two Asian women sitting up from him turned around and looked. He was oblivious. A mother and daughter sitting across looked appalled but then started laughing to each other.
I noticed he wore a wedding band. Imagine being married to this guy. Being married to the guy who shaves on the city bus. There's only one valid reason for shaving in public: you are homeless. This guy clearly was not homeless, just a clueless boor.
There was a guy, middle-aged, white, balding, eating a banana. Eating a banana like he is in his own kitchen and not on public transit. Then he took out a breakfast bar and ate that. Then he took out a second breakfast bar and ate that.
At this point, the bus was quite crowded, with guys standing, so my view of Mr. Breakfast was partially blocked. Thank god for that because suddenly I hear a buzzing noise, a quiet but distinct buzz. Yes, he had pulled out his electric razor and was shaving on the bus. A young girl sitting next to him looked over and then bured her face in her book (Black Boy by Richard Wright, I noted). Two Asian women sitting up from him turned around and looked. He was oblivious. A mother and daughter sitting across looked appalled but then started laughing to each other.
I noticed he wore a wedding band. Imagine being married to this guy. Being married to the guy who shaves on the city bus. There's only one valid reason for shaving in public: you are homeless. This guy clearly was not homeless, just a clueless boor.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Friday, March 08, 2013
Pope Me, Baby!
The Papal Conclave starts on March 12. This leads to one burning question: What are the appropriate snacks to serve at a Conclave Party?
Unrelated to anything Papal: At lunch time I saw a man literally walk into a tree. On University. He was walking with his head turned to the street watching traffic for some unknown reason and then BONK into a narrow tree. He stopped, rubbed his nose, adjusted his glasses and kept walking. It was almost like this wasn't the first time this had happened to him... A man walking alone ahead of me turned around, smiling, to see if I had seen it too, but I was too surprised to smile. My brain was still processing the fact that The Benny Hill Show is real, not fiction.
Unrelated to anything Papal: At lunch time I saw a man literally walk into a tree. On University. He was walking with his head turned to the street watching traffic for some unknown reason and then BONK into a narrow tree. He stopped, rubbed his nose, adjusted his glasses and kept walking. It was almost like this wasn't the first time this had happened to him... A man walking alone ahead of me turned around, smiling, to see if I had seen it too, but I was too surprised to smile. My brain was still processing the fact that The Benny Hill Show is real, not fiction.
Monday, March 04, 2013
Naughty, naughty
Smoothie and his girlfriend (of 8 months) have planned their first weekend getaway, to the Nation's Capital, in 2 weeks. Both Smoothie and gf still live at home (both are 27). When she told her father they were going away for a weekend, her father asked if they would have separate beds and then he said "there better not be any hanky-panky".
Perhaps he is not aware that there has been excessive hanky pankying going on for the past 8 months.
Hanky panky. It's the word of the day. I had not heard that expression in years, and I suspect Smoothie had never heard it at all before yesterday.
My baby does the hanky panky. Now that song is in my head.
In other news: Our New Boss arrives today. Will he be a non-entity? or will reports of his antics make him a regular item of interest on the blog. If so, he will need a nickname. Stay tuned...
Perhaps he is not aware that there has been excessive hanky pankying going on for the past 8 months.
Hanky panky. It's the word of the day. I had not heard that expression in years, and I suspect Smoothie had never heard it at all before yesterday.
My baby does the hanky panky. Now that song is in my head.
In other news: Our New Boss arrives today. Will he be a non-entity? or will reports of his antics make him a regular item of interest on the blog. If so, he will need a nickname. Stay tuned...
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Happy Birthday to Me
Everyone should have the day off because it is MY birthday. But even I am at work. Sob!
When I turned 49, I declared that I was on a "Fit for 50" plan. Well, given the outstanding success of that initiative over the past 3 years, I now declare that starting today I am on a "Fit for 53" campaign. Wish me luck.
When I turned 49, I declared that I was on a "Fit for 50" plan. Well, given the outstanding success of that initiative over the past 3 years, I now declare that starting today I am on a "Fit for 53" campaign. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
B-Day Wishes, Day 2
Happy Birthday to Mrs. Anon. If I am not mistaken, you are a mere 45 today. Ha! Youth!
I hope all your boys are treating you well on this grand day.
I hope all your boys are treating you well on this grand day.
Monday, February 18, 2013
B-Day Wishes, Day 1
This is a double birthday week on the blog. First up...
Happy Birthday to Ms Mushrooms. Are you recovering from the Indian food feast you were set to enjoy last night? I hope Mr Mushrooms and the young Mushrooms are being good to you today.
Enjoy it all. We are not getting any younger!
Happy Birthday to Ms Mushrooms. Are you recovering from the Indian food feast you were set to enjoy last night? I hope Mr Mushrooms and the young Mushrooms are being good to you today.
Enjoy it all. We are not getting any younger!
Friday, February 15, 2013
Astral Ball of Confusion
I thought today was the day the Earth would be attacked by a giant asteroid. But it turned out that today is the day when the Earth was attacked by a giant meteor.
I am confused. From the Guardian's website:
...the Russian deputy prime minister said neither Moscow nor Washington had the power to shoot such objects down as they approached. "At the moment, neither we nor the Americans have such technologies" to shoot down meteors or asteroids, he said, according to the Interfax news agency.
Isn't this what we have Superheroes for? Where are Superman, Batman, Iron Man, The Hulk? Whoever? You guys have totally disappointed me.
I am confused. From the Guardian's website:
...the Russian deputy prime minister said neither Moscow nor Washington had the power to shoot such objects down as they approached. "At the moment, neither we nor the Americans have such technologies" to shoot down meteors or asteroids, he said, according to the Interfax news agency.
Isn't this what we have Superheroes for? Where are Superman, Batman, Iron Man, The Hulk? Whoever? You guys have totally disappointed me.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
V Day
Happy Valentine's Day to one and all.
Work has been so busy. No time to blog, barely any time to email. Moi? No time to blog or email? How is this possible?
Work has been so busy. No time to blog, barely any time to email. Moi? No time to blog or email? How is this possible?
Monday, February 11, 2013
Vacating the Vatican
So the Pope threw in the Papal Towel today. I betcha didn't know there even was a Papal Towel. (I made it up.) He said, in Latin, I'm outta here. I'm going to Disney World, etc.
Let this be a lesson to every old worker everywhere who is hanging on to his/her job, thinking that they can't possibly retire because "what will the place do without me? I am the glue that holds this place together". Retire. Leave. Now. Vamoose with ya.
If the Pope can call it quits, so can you. The world will not end. Let the Papal Succession stakes begin! If ever there was an event that called for a NaPoMo poem this is it. Sadly, we are forced to do without. Amen.
Let this be a lesson to every old worker everywhere who is hanging on to his/her job, thinking that they can't possibly retire because "what will the place do without me? I am the glue that holds this place together". Retire. Leave. Now. Vamoose with ya.
If the Pope can call it quits, so can you. The world will not end. Let the Papal Succession stakes begin! If ever there was an event that called for a NaPoMo poem this is it. Sadly, we are forced to do without. Amen.
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
It's that time of year again...again!
Happy Birthday to Mr. Anon. 52 years young today.
I don't know what else to add. I hate getting older! wah!
I don't know what else to add. I hate getting older! wah!
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